This past Tuesday during the torrential all day and night rains we finally lost power for 2 hours and I was ill equipped. I was literally in the middle of trying to fix my old police flashlight, trying to figure out why the batteries weren’t working (but I’d had it for over a decade), sitting on the hallway floor cross legged with a package of AAA batteries in front of me when the power went out. This blackout was my a culmination of my worst fears. I didn’t have anything but a few candles and a motion activated, thin bar usb powered over the kitchen light maybe 2.5” wide and a small stick on the refrigerator magnetized flashlight. What if a tree branch broke through either of my bedroom windows and I didn’t have enough light or means to see and repair all the damage? What if I lost all the food in my refrigerator? What if my phone died and I needed help but couldn’t call anyone?
Plus my mom was still driving home in this weather! I got down on my knees, then even laid my forehead on the floor with arms outstretched and prayed “Lord I care more about her than even myself. I don’t know what I’d do or how I’d survive without her, I love her more than anyone in this world, but Your will be done.”
After I said all I could muster and felt called to just go to bed, nothing was in my control, in the darkness alone (Goldie was in the living room chair despite me repeatedly calling her) I started talking to God like I haven’t in years. Pleading to regenerate those parts of my heart and mind atrophied still, to have Him call them back to life like Lazarus. To use the Holy Spir to unfreeze the hands so long clasped and clinging to whatever held me from allowing Him to enter into those parts of me that they were frozen in that position. Many other things I won’t write here but ultimately surrendered absolutely everything and a calm peace finally came over me as I heard one phrase, “Daughter I am here, you are not alone. I have this all in control” So many times I hear Him say similar words (usually the first phrase verbatim) and I know I’m not alone, but although I have felt and known this before, it went 1,000 times deeper into my soul and very being.
So many verses came back to me, most in phrases of the verse or psalm like I have taped all over my bathroom mirror and walls and around the house, some full verses. I finally fell asleep in the darkness only to be awoken not too long afterwards when my overhead bedroom light, hallway light and all the lights in the living room came back on.
I woke up and my first thought was “thank you Lord”; but it was not only for the physical light, but also the power outage itself that He used to draw me closer.
My mom did get home safe (she had texted when the blackout was still ongoing) and I immediately messaged those I had asked to pray for her. I could say so many wonderful things about her, but suffice to say she is second in my life only below Christ.
This taught me some very powerful lessons. God is in control of everything. He does use all things for good, even if it may not feel that way in that moment and more often than not, not immediately. This is why I think we need to be so careful when quoting Romans 8:28 to others in their distress. He listens to our cries and answers. He is our rock, shield and salvation. He saves us from ourselves on every and any possible way. From our eternal destination, to our hour by hour or even minute by minute situations. He protects us from ourselves. He watches over us, and even when we don’t know what to say even the Holy Spirit Himself intercedes for us with wordless groans.
So there are many things that still need fixing, from things as worldly as my deteriorated drivers side front and back door sealant – I’ve got it all covered in heavy duty garbage bags duct tapped from top to bottom after finding 5” of water in the back seat the following morning – to the own personal mental, emotional and spiritual work that still needs fixing (and truth be told, much will not be fully, truly and completely healed this side of eternity). But I know both are a work in progress. However, that fact that they are being worked on – and not in my own power gives me hope.
The power did go out again that same night but I slept through it unknowingly. Is this not true, in a sense of our lives themselves? Even when we may not feel it or even when we feel like He is silent, He is still working. Our emotions and thoughts may in some stretch of the metaphor be “asleep”, we are sleeping peacefully while He remains ever present, all knowing, all powerful and ever working.
So I thank God for Tuesday’s blackout, reminders of previous blackouts that ultimately drew me closer to Him and tonight as we face this heavy snowstorm this upcoming Monday through Tuesday that may or may not produce the same results; and beyond that the blackouts of trials and tribulations I know I’ll experience again before my life is over as my walk grows closer to Him I take heart knowing that as Christ said in John 16:33: ”I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.””
Psalm 139:11-12
”If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you.“
Isaiah 40:28-29
”Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He
does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.“
Psalm 34:1-22
”I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul makes its boast in the Lord; let the humble hear and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt his name together! I sought the Lord, and he answered me and delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to him are radiant, and their faces shall never be ashamed. This poor man cried, and the Lord heard him and saved him out of all his troubles.
The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him! Oh, fear the Lord, you his saints, for those who fear him have no lack! The young lions suffer want and hunger; but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing.
Come, O children, listen to me; I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is there who desires life and loves many days, that he may see good? Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking deceit. Turn away from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it. The eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous and his ears toward their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil, to cut off the memory of them from the earth. When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken. Affliction will slay the wicked, and those who hate the righteous will be condemned. The Lord redeems the life of his servants; none of those who take refuge in him will be condemned.“