I just woke up from another nightmare, but this was of a different type. It was of a character who once played a part in the play of my life that said they wanted me to help them plan a trip they had always dreamed of taking and my only response was “I thought you didn’t care about me anymore”.
I woke up to Marj Synders rendition of “Does Jesus Care?” and “For Those Tears I Died” and the lyrics were of both were soothing to be certain, but I was very aware of what a different aspect of grief beyond missing those who have passed from this life. There is a grief for the ghosts of those who once playing the part of “one of the good guys”.
There is a grief deeper still than those players, there is a grieving of the emotions associated with them. Such emotions go beyond the actual characters, but transcend into becoming ghosts that in and of the themselves that have their own special way of haunting our hearts.
There is a fear that such emotions of feeling needed, feeling cared for, feeling safe and loved never coming again – at least in or perhaps on would be the better word – being manifested on this physical plane and reality. One of the lyrics of her other songs “Reach Out” says “when you reach out to Jesus, you’ll never be alone.”
Yes, arguments made validated be made that there are friends and family who feel these feelings presently in your life, but these particular ghosts carry their own version of Jacob Marley’s chains.
And yes, even in the play A Christmas Carol Jacob Marley appears in a dream and tonight it was again once again presented in the form of a dream. But you see, dreams are a funny thing. They can be good or bad as we sleep and they can also be good or bad when applied to the dreams we hold onto while awake. Good dreams in both can be helpful in giving us peace or motivation, but the bad can haunt and cause despair when asleep but also while awake as they can apply to those that have not become actualized despite our best efforts year after year.
Stepping back into the grief of those emotions revisited in dreams, there is a cold hard reality we must face that the characters be they people or emotions have become ghosts. They apply to characters that have “exited stage left” to borrow the theatrical phrase. In a way, this term plays upon the humor particular to the irony of life. Emotional and mental satire.
It is easy to advise one to leave the past in the past and move on, but when it appears outside of our accord, it is harder to follow such well meaning words.
It is also true that we can also grieve for those whose role was cast as the villains for the simple fact that they were still actors who were present for a time.
In a strange way these seemingly contrasting characters of the past and what they represent can become unfortunately all too intertwined when they pass on from our lives.
What is more, these haunts can resurrect when we look both at our present days and future plans.
There is yet another level to be addressed. When the ghosts of those villains begin to take shape once more in our present day lives. When their dialogues are echoed, yet now perhaps as not even as strong or verbatim, it casts a shadow. As Hamlet’s father, they may not even be villains but rather victims who are attempting to warn us of present dangers.
And this is where trusting our instincts come into play. With the best intentions to follow the advice of leaving the past in the past, we may inadvertently ignore those gut instincts in the folly of overly reactionary optimism. We try to move on and give grace or at least the benefit of the doubt to these new characters. And when we are faced with the fact that we should have listened to our gut instincts from the start, there is a tendency for self criticism in the inner monologue of “I should have known better”.
How do we counteract trying to now follow good advice when contrasted with the lessons of the past we have painfully learned? There is no easy answer to this question, and perhaps there is in fact no pate answer out there. It is unfortunate (to put it lightly) that we need to approach others with this very question in mind as each new situation arises. And this may be the most grievous of all.