Redwoods and their lessons

Redwoods and their lessons

“To grant to those who mourn in Zion the following: To give them a turban instead of dust [on their heads, a sign of mourning], The oil of joy instead of mourning, The garment [expressive] of praise instead of a disheartened spirit. So they will be called the trees of righteousness [strong and magnificent, distinguished for integrity, justice, and right standing with God], The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3 AMP

I’ve always wanted to see the redwoods in California. A forest of giant trees full of the special scents unique only to a forrest full of scattered rays of sunlight filtered through ancient leaves. I’ve been most uniquely aware of my chronic pain over the last six months when it has been physical but to be honest it’s going on 3 1/2 years of chronic pain of mental and emotional in addition to the physical since losing my grandmother and moving somewhere I knew very little about, less how to properly navigate even with GPS.

 

This area is so different than what I came from and now this not only applies physically but mentally emotionally and spiritually as well. There are so many things I could list that I need desperate prayer for but like Joseph sold in slavery or Daniel being taken into Babylon and given a different name, I am in a new space with new people, new surroundings, and new challenges.

I read not that long ago that some of the best wines were from vineyards, whose seasons were the driest that year. It makes me wonder about how much more appreciation I have for things like community, having someone make eye contact or even smile at me, solid biblical teaching, the simple things like being able to take a walk or hear the birds. To be seen and realize how much I am blessed to see if I choose to have the eyes to look for it. All of this compels me to ask myself if God is not using this contrast to heighten my sense of my awareness of His faithfulness, sovereignty, and constant presence in my life.

I do not know any of the “whys”, but I can point to instances where I have had interactions with others over this topic of pain in all its various manifestations and be thankful for their depth and sincerity. These conversations would not have happened if it were not for the circumstances I find myself in.

While praying just had God impressed upon me  the other day “you know I am closer than the spirit and the soul, than your very breath but I am also closer than the pain.” That hit the deepest and was the most profound.

I do not claim to have any right to be called a tree of righteousness. However, I would say that in my own way, I would desire to be able to look back on this and say that I came out of it with a stronger relationship with my God, to have a stronger assurance in His promises and a closer walk with Him and above all else, that this all would be used for His glory. That I have been uprooted but planted for growth and He promises oil for ashes and joy for mourning; when I don’t know…or maybe it happens little by little every day that I will be able to look back at some point and see more than I do now today.

 

 

Reports with Reassurance

Work has been getting more and more physical. It’s not even that I’m lifting heavier things but it’s getting busier and so I’m doubling my steps reaching above shoulder height kneeling squatting filling and working on the computer as well. None of it is bad in and of itself. But my pain has become much more pronounced because of the pace, I’m being “on” more. That is to say the more stressful or busy I or the workplace become the more animated and jovial I become to diffuse the possibility of a customer having a less than positive experience which is simply a result of years of working in retail and sales and marketing. Don’t get my wrong I love my job but this is outside it.

The problem with this is that I’m burning more calories probably more my adrenal glands and frankly so much more energy and I can even begin to replace. Prior to this week, I know I have been getting better albeit very very slowly but this week I just lost it.

 

I keep trying to keep my eyes on Jesus and pray throughout the day But the best I can manage is trying to survive and share the fruits of the spirit with my customers.

At the very least just try to be grateful for the good customers and complement as many people as possible because it does brighten the situation even just for a little which in turn does make me feel better.

 

But by Tuesday it felt like Friday, and I keep praying and putting on the armor of God before I even get out of bed and pray for strength to get through the day because I know I certainly can’t do it in my strength. Yet the physical pain is now only compounded with the additional stress and my emotions are bottoming out and that in turn generates its own. Manifestation of physical pain.

 

I keep praying if it’s God’s will to heal me but tonight I honestly couldn’t even tell you if I believed He could or that he wanted to or that there was some unconfessed sin that was blocking my ability to receive healing he may be sending or that He even listened or cared.

 

But the fact remains that his word says we are precious in his sight (Psalm 139:1-12), He bends down to listen to us pray (Psalm 116:2)  He does not waste any of our pain (Romans 8:28) He catches all of our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8)  He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 4:31, Deuteronomy 31:8), He’s constantly with us (Matthew 28:20) He hurts when we hurt (a Isaiah 63:9 and is grieved when we are grieved. He also knows that every day I wanna go back to something of the world that will help ease this pain and cope and for me, although there was a plethora to choose from the easiest would be vaping. So many times, in the last eight weeks when going for a walk I’ve had to stop and turn around in the other direction because of the convenience store where I used to buy them less than a quarter of a mile down the street from my house. However, Jesus it is documented, knows what it is like to be tempted to take the easier road look at what happened when he was tempted for 40 days in the desert and everything Satan said and offered to give Him. Hebrews 4:15 says: “Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are”

 

He knows that part of my breakdown. Also was that I wanna stop asking completely for healing because I don’t wanna get my hopes up and not be healed.  Like many many many nights before I just cried and surrendered. For the rest of the night, that’s all I can do.

 

A Lent devotional “Lent: The Journey of Letting Go” says “Let yourself feel the weight of your burdens—but don’t stop there. Picture placing those burdens at the foot of the cross. Linger in the stillness, thank Him for bearing them, and rest in the peace He offers through His sacrifice.”

 

This is an hourly battle, and I don’t know what else I can lay down or how to lay down grief when silence answers and the peace promised is so elusive.  Which in turn creates more grief. All I can say it if well with my soul’s final destination and I have hope and peace in that. It’s the surviving until I get to heaven that’s the hardest.

It’s bearing up under this that is like greek myth of Sisyphus rolling the massive stone up the hill each morning that took all day. Only to start again the next day from the bottom.

 

Before I even get out of bed and put the Armor of God on. Thank God it’s not my responsibility to hold each piece up in my own strength. All that is required is willingness and he will bear the rest. He will do all the heavy lifting.

This is not to say that I don’t continually go to him in prayer but when I’m exhausted by 11:00 AM and I still have hours to go in my shift, dinner to make, dishes to do and a shower to take He’s the one who’s going to get me through the next 15 minutes (and the rest of the night if He decides). It’s certainly nothing I would do in my own strength or be capable of doing. At this point I have to alternate the days I cook, and the days I shower because my pain level is so high.

 

Ultimately, I will admit there are days I’m disappointed I woke up. But if he has decided in his sovereignty to give me another day then I surrender it to Him and say “I’m going to need you to help me make it through the day, our by hour Lord”.

 

Some mornings it’s “God, I need you to help me get of bed”. But between prayer and devotionals in the morning and listening to sermons or reading solid Christian material every day he gets me through. As the phrase goes so far, he has 100% track record of getting you through. I just have to keep my eyes on his faithfulness, take a moment by moment and surrender everything.

 

 

References:

 

1.     Romans 8:26 (MSG): “The moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans”.

 

2.     Psalm 139:1-18: “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”

 

3.     Psalm 116:2: “Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.”

 

4.     Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

 

5.     Psalm 56: 8: “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”

 

6.     Deuteronomy 4:31(NIV): For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your ancestors, which he confirmed to them by oath.

 

7.     Deuteronomy 31:8:l (NIV): The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 

8.     Matthew 28:20 (AMP) “…and lo, I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age.”

 

9.     Isaiah 63:9 (AMP): “In all their distress He was distressed.

 

10.  Hebrews 4:15 (CEV): “Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are”.

 

11.  Romans 8:26 (MSG):  The moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans

 

12.  Psalm 34:18 (ESV): “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”

 

Momento Mori: Remember That You Have to Die

Momento Mori

Memento mori. Latin for “remember (that you have) to die.” (N. D. Wikipedia)

Accountants in antiquity actually used to write this in their books. I think it’s a fitting parallel that Jesus’s words “it is finished” on the cross were actually accounting terms as well; meaning the balance is paid in full. (Christian Learning, 2024). See the link referenced  below for a full explanation. 

There’s a lyric in the song “Chandelier” by an artist called Sia that said “ I’m going to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist” and frankly I think we need to as well (granted not choosing the same response and actions described in the rest of the song).

In light of this, how’re you REALLY living? Are we honestly following these principles outlined in the versus below, or so wrapped up in our own lives that we forget the love is the greatest force in the universe; the very reason for Christ’s actions and the very litmus test of our walks? Love other in a way they can understand, if it’s just listening, showing up with a text or reaching out. Not putting the fact that relationships are at the center of what this is all about. Our relationship with God and others. We are not promised our next breath let alone tomorrow. What we choose to do today and how we choose to act is what will be separated as the wheat from the chaff.  Every single person you encounter each day is your neighbor. Every. Single. Person. Use your talents to reach others. It is the greatest act of kindness you can show them.

We only know a 10th- if that- of what anyone is going through, so love them and meet them where they are at because the chance may never come again. That is how you open a dialogue to the gospel. One of my favorite quotes regarding this is: “people don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”

Here are a few verses to back this up.

1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Beloved, let us [unselfishly] love and seek the best for one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves [others] is born of God and knows God [through personal experience]. The one who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. [He is the originator of love, and it is an enduring attribute of His nature.]”

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Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭25‬-‭26‬, ‭28‬-‭31‬, ‭33‬ ‭AMP‬‬

““Therefore I tell you, stop being worried or anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted) about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, as to what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing? [Luke 12:22-31] Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow [seed]nor reap [the harvest] nor gather [the crops]into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? And why are you worried about clothes? See how the lilies and wildflowers of the field grow; they do not labor nor do they spin [wool to make clothing], yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory and splendor dressed himself like one of these. [1 Kin 10:4-7] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive and green today and tomorrow is [cut and] thrown [as fuel] into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Therefore do not worry or be anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted), saying, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.”

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Matthew‬ ‭22‬:‭39‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ [Lev 19:18; Matt 19:19]”

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James‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬-‭17‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Come now [and pay attention to this], you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and carry on our business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen in your life tomorrow. [What is secure in your life?] You are merely a vapor [like a puff of smoke or a wisp of steam from a cooking pot] that is visible for a little while and then vanishes [into thin air]. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and we will do this or that.” But as it is, you boast [vainly] in your pretension and arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it, to him it is sin.”

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Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭27‬-‭30‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“¶Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due [its rightful recipients], When it is in your power to do it. [Rom 13:7; Gal 6:10] Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it,” When you have it with you. [Lev 19:13; Deut 24:15] Do not devise evil against your neighbor, Who lives securely beside you. Do not quarrel with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm. [Rom 12:18]”

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John‬ ‭13‬:‭34‬-‭35‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too are to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you have love and unselfish concern for one another.””

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Psalms‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“So teach us to number our days, That we may cultivate and bring to You a heart of wisdom.”

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1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭2‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing.”

‭‭References:

“Momento Mori” N. D. Wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori

“The Significance Behind Jesus’ last Words It is Finished” Christa. June 7, 2024. Christian Learning.  https://www.christianlearning.com/jesus-last-words-it-is-finished/