I recently asked a friend what the difference between belief and trust is, and it was interesting how they can be used interchangeably, but have subtle differences, depending on the context.
Scars and grief are like that as well. Both scars and grief find their origins in a traumatic event. Both have their own need to be addressed and worked through. Both leave lasting effects.
Grief leaves scars on the heart that can be clearly seen in the eyes at certain times. Physical scars are not always visible as well, but can be seen when one decides to reveal its presence to another.
How does all of this relate? Right now, in my journey, I’ve both believed that the grief and scars will heal as much as possible, but what I’ve discovered is not that I do not trust that this will happen or have not trust that it will happen, but rather learn to trust the process of dealing with the reality of the grief and scars existence is an ongoing process. It is worth noting that personally it is an evolutionary process where things do not feel now like they did when I experienced the events that led to both.
For example, there is the grief of losing my grandmother or recalling former mistakes and the scars left from multiple surgeries I’ve had.
One final piece of this that has yet to be addressed is the word faith, which is also commonly found when using the words belief and trust. In the first 24 to 48 hours I had to take it on other peoples’ words that things would get better and have faith that what they said was true. They were right and it did get better. But now I found that even after a decent passage of time, I have had to come to terms with relying on that faith that it has in the most superficial sense gotten better but in reality, I need to remind myself of a faith that got me through in a deeper sense.
Perhaps this would best be explained through the following illustration:
When it summertime and I go down the shore in a bathing suit, some of my scars are visible, and I have to relinquish the conviction that that is all people will see.
Alternatively, when sharing with others, the grief resurfaces, but not to the same ferocity it had in the beginning. However, it did take a few hours for the throbbing of the scars on my heart from said grief to stop throbbing so painfully.
Yet I would not trade either the scars or the grief because they create not only a point in which another individual and I can relate, but also compose parts of my testimony, which in the long run is the most important.