Note these are just my personal thoughts on an article written for believers, specifically what it means to be a living sacrifice .

Here are some of the major points:

“…if you find yourself trying to devise a way of serving God that seems more agreeable to your comforts, remember this: Jesus sacrificed everything for you”

Would I like my trials to be different? Easier to deal with? Not consuming nearly everything these last 6 months but even the last 2? Of course.

1. But these trials (just like everything) is playing out the way they are tailored specifically so I get the most from the trial.

2.  It involves people using phrases and language that I resonate with and can comprehend. It uses every form of media, visual, audio and every sensory input tailored made be the surest quickest form of my brain to not only take in, but process and comprehend.

3. And he will not let be in the crucible one second longer than is necessary. He is sovereign over all of this.

4. This does not negate the pain, the struggles, the loss or any of what I am feeling because if I negated my feelings I’d negate the lesson. I need to be able to mourn and grieve what I’m choosing to leave behind in the sanctification process. If I won’t miss it or have a hard time of letting go of a personal aspect or attachment to something then the point is mute. In layman’s terms, I never liked white wine, so why would I care if I was told not to drink it anymore? Am I dying for a cigarette even to ease the pain and stress? Yes. But if you were never a smoker, and hated the very smell of smoke this would have no effect on you.

Hopefully this makes sense, but my biggest takeaway is that He is the ultimate silversmith. He holds us over the crucible watching the entire time (meaning He not only sees us, but everyone around us, and He is WITH us day and night watching) and will not keep the silver in any longer than is absolutely necessary because it will ruin it otherwise. How does a silversmith know when the refining process is complete? When He can see His reflection in the silver.

is sanctification a lifelong process? Yes. Did He promise trouble? Yes. But He said He would be WITH US IN ALL OF IT. And to “take heart for I have overcome the world” (John 16:33)

“He will not let your foot be moved; he who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, he who keeps Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.”
‭‭(Psalm‬ ‭121‬:‭3‬-‭4)

“No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].”
‭‭1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭13‬ ‭AMP‬‬

Here is the article from Joni and friends:

 

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Romans 12:1 

What immediately comes to mind when you hear the word “sacrifice”? Articles in National Geographic magazines about bloody offerings in Aztec temples? The streams running red with lamb’s blood outside the temple of Jerusalem? Whatever comes to mind, it’s probably not a pretty picture.

But sacrifice is what God asks of us. Living sacrifice. Now that tickles my imagination. I picture myself on an altar, and as soon as God strikes the match to light the flame of some fiery ordeal, I do what any living sacrifice would do. I crawl off the altar!

This is exactly the dilemma Christians face. First, we are to present our bodies, that is, give them in the Lord’s service as a freewill offering. And because our sacrifice is a living one, it involves a choice. The gift of salvation does not require us to become a living sacrifice…we are not forced onto the altar…we are not coerced to stay on that altar. It is a choice we make out of love.

If presenting yourself as a living sacrifice seems downright distasteful, if you find yourself trying to devise a way of serving God that seems more agreeable to your comforts, remember this: Jesus sacrificed everything for you. Please don’t argue with the Lord about how heavily he stokes the fire of your trial. Just get back up on the altar. It’s your spiritual worship!

I realize, Lord, that my trust and obedience is all you ask of me through my trials. Forgive me when I sneak off the altar or try to turn down the flame of my trial. As my High Priest, you know best how to tend the altar. 

There are some noteworthy things that have happened recently that have been real game changers.

 

At the women’s Bible study, we are going through a book called Leverage which was written by the Barrick family through their organization Hope Out Loud. The Sunday they came to visit was so powerful because it was all about healing – mentally, emotionally physically, and spiritually.

 

As many of you know, I have already been going through a lot of dark times with health, and as God would have it, I had recently only just discovered a young gentleman on Instagram named Hyden Daum  who is deaf, but has short snippets where he both speaks quite clearly, but also signs Bible verses, but digging into them. This has been particularly helpful when in overload, I remembered being at a summer camp and learning a song in sign language and being surprised that some of those same signs I still remembered. What is most impactful to me? Is that when flooded or too exhausted or too much in pain to even think straight I can look at a number of different sign language terms or phrases and see how they express what I do not even have the vocabulary for. That has been truly transformational because despite my verbose writing there are times when I cannot think of the right word or can only think of the first two letters of a word or phrase, especially under times of stress. But what has been most enlightening is that in combination with these videos and that Sunday when Jen ended, she taught us the sign language for one of her favorite songs as we all sang along.

 

They really are a number of hugely powerful sign language phrases that I think better convey the real meaning of the word or phrase then when we use actual vocabulary. For example, look up the sign language for Trinity.

 

No one will fully be able to explain the Trinity but the sign language of taking three fingers pulling it down behind the hand in front and then bringing your original hand in front of the other only holding one finger up invokes three separate entities that in my opinion through this sign go into the mystery beyond our comprehension and emerge in front as one just as Jesus did when he came to earth both as God and man. Now that is just completely my brief interpretation and poor attempt at an explanation, but I hope you understand that just like body language some things are conveyed so differently then when we use our words.

 

Since that visit when they spoke a good number of Weeks the only thing that has gotten me out of bed has been the fact that if I woke up today God has a reason for it. The main reason is to spread the gospel. I may not say it in so many words with every person I interact with but what I can do is try and show love, sympathy, and empathy and recognize we only know a 10th of what anyone is ever going through. Am I ever going to beat someone over the head with a Bible? No. Because at the end of the day all I can do is tell you how faithful God has been in my life and how he has changed my life.

 

If you decide to make that decision it has to be your decision and yours alone because there are going to be nights when it is only you and God at 3:00 AM.

 

Remembering the joy on Jen’s face when she spoke, her laughter Was bittersweet because I was so happy for her even though she is not fully healed to the point where she was prior to the accident.

 

So back to the study tonight as we’re going through their book, one of the questions was what are the lies we believe that keep us from spreading the gospel? If I have something in me that has enabled me to continue to get up out of bed and go to work and function and cook and shower then it is certainly more than capable of tearing down the lies. I either know I am unaware of how deep they go or am unaware of as of yet.

 

In the interest of relatability, I think one of the ones that they happen to give us an example and that goes deeper than I was aware of was “I’m not good enough”.

 

So for all of you who think you are not good enough, here are some ways I am not good enough and realize that they are lies.

 

1.        “No one cares about me”. If people actually cared, they would make the time to reach out. Now I do have to say there is a huge, massive, cultural difference, living in farmlands where many families not only are very large, but have as land owners been in this area for generations. As such they have built in friendships and people to go to and communities built in because everyone knows everyone else because they have all lived down here for generations and have gone to the same schools, etc., at nausea.

The truth is that people do care. I may not have many physical friends down here but there are still a good number of dear friends online that I regularly communicate with and this church is very promising in the interactions I have had since I have started attending on Palm Sunday. Plus I do have a few friends from town and other churches that reach out from down here.

2.        I would have made a horrible mom so that is why, even after my hysterectomy and I had planned to adopt everything fell through. I was never meant to be a mom because I could not handle it especially with having mental health be a factor.

This one is one of the hardest because it combines the self-esteem part of not feeling good enough, but also what they call in psychology, fortune telling and black-and-white thinking. Essentially, it’s distorted thinking.

 

I have come to terms as best I can with not being a mom, but more importantly, I know that God’s reasonings is beyond my comprehension. It even says “His ways are higher than our ways” (Isaiah 55: 8-9). There may be many distinct reasons but trying to work out why something did not work out it is not only futile, it is a fool proof recipe for emotional disaster.

Even now there are times when I feel like a bad cat mom because I cannot play with Goldie down on the floor or brush her like I used to before my injury or even take the pressure of her lying next to me or on me for more than maybe 10 minutes. I would have to wager that unless you are an animal lover, the idea of feeling like a bad pet parent may sound absurd. But it is a very real thing, especially when you consider the research reasoning and popularity for emotional support animals.

 

Needless to say, I do believe in that one meme (although I do not know how theologically sound it is) but that God created animals that could not speak our language just to prove the existence of unconditional love.

 

Which does make me wonder if one atom was naming all of the animals in the garden if they could actually talk and they had a discussion about it. Not so much that the animal came up with the idea of its name, but told Adam it’s different traits and specific talents and that’s how Adam came up with the name.  (Is there any theological basis for this? No. It’s just one of the many strange quirks of how my brain works. That keeps me up at night).

3.        I’m not good enough and don’t look good enough or I’m not interesting enough because if I was, why am I still single?

This is very similar to the previous about distorted thinking, but this takes into account projection and comparison and remembering countless things that have been said to me or I have said to myself that back all  this up.

 

Is it terribly lonely and hard being single with no kids and few friends in an area you barely know? Yes of course it is. Especially when those are the first few questions when making small talk. And consequently, how successful that small talk will be if you have things in common like kids at the same school or a spouse who loves football (just for the record. The only football I love is the original football, soccer).

But again, this goes back to the verse of his ways being higher than my ways, his plans higher than mine. And most recently I’ve been waking up quite early and have just started praying. What a relationship be nice? Yes. But above and beyond everything else, my relationship with Christ comes first.

Do I think I’m guaranteed a relationship? No. Not a romantic one at least. I think that’s why the church body is so important.  But what has been paramount is getting to know what Psalm 46:10 means when it says “Be still I know that I am God.”

I think I have been learning all about my faith and what it means to me on an entirely different level than what it did when I wrote my first book. It’s not that those things are untrue, but that when I wake up for example, I just lie here and talk to God. I have still got a long way to go on the listening as far as discernment and not judging silence as Him not being right next to me. What I think in fact, it is is the deepening of my understanding of the relational aspect of my faith. What it means to see God as an actual friend and talk to Him as such. To have time to go over how he’s been faithful and to ask him for strength. To admit that there are so many things I cannot do in my own willpower such as running my parasympathetic nervous system, or breathing, or sometimes making it through the day.  But the point is is that I don’t have to.  God willingly takes that on and wants to show me how He will be faithful again this day if He chose to wake me up.

 

I’m not guaranteed the next breath. None of us are. But again these blogs and posts is not me trying to force you into believing something because that’s not belief that’s coercion. And be at 3 AM or in the middle of the day your decision is up to you because the help will only come if you ask of your own volition and actually believe for yourself.  But I can tell you that He does listen and wants you and loves you so much they sacrificed Christ his son for your sake to take on the penalty that none of us could pay. But the good news is that this is a free offering.  And I stretched hand.  Salvation cannot be achieved by volunteering here giving to this charity or even just attending church. It has to be an actual dialogue where you realize Grace is being extended by adopting us into his family, redeeming us, no longer holding any of our past against us and setting us free to have a relationship with God, have a Holy Spirit live inside us to help us throughout the day, intercede for us, and have Christ “no longer call us servants, but friends” (John 15:15).

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People go to the hospital to get better. Some hospitals supply you with the clothing, some out of curiosity others out of restrictions on what can and cannot be worn, who can and cannot visit or at the levers least what those visiting hours are. If there for an extended period, you may have your clothes checked while you are in what they supply you and after a period of waiting you can get back into your old clothes.

What does this have to do with anything? Specifically, that somethings instantly covey a message. For some, scrubs mean a time of having a surgery, others, being inpatient, others working at the hospital, or even as a pharmacy technician at a CVS or Walgreens. Somethings bring back memories of either getting help, feeling safe, getting clean or other times having a horrible experience and a very real struggle.

In all of the above scenarios there very well may be an overlap. You may have felt safe technically but had a horrible experience. Or you may have felt uncomfortable in their clothes be their rules but had albeit I am sure a very intense but ultimately life changing, positive experience.

So what do we put on to feel safe? A deceased relative’s favorite shirt? A cherished gift from someone very dear like a shawl or even a hat or sweatshirt with your favorite team that you bought together at the game you and a good friend both attended? Or perhaps a blanket someone made or gifted you when they knew you needed it?

Maybe it is someone’s ring or cross, a pin, earrings, or watch.

What are we called on to put on every day as Christians? The armor of God (see Ephesians 6 below). But does it make us feel safe?

Personally, while praying and doing so I would tend to answer yes, but does it always last throughout the day and night? No to be brutally honest. It is not that I doubt the effectiveness of each piece of armor but rather that so many pieces are bombarded what feels like constantly, I feel fatigued and worn out from all the spiritual attacks.

And that is why we are called to not only remember the last line to cover all the armor in prayer but to “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18).

It is not within our own power that we can even put on these pieces let alone hold them up. The breastplate of righteousness is partially demonstrated through what Aaron wore in the Old Testament, but now we wear the breastplate of Christ’s righteousness not because we have made or had a priest make a sacrifice or say a prayer for us- it is because of our own declaration of faith in Christ’s final atonement for our sins (and any who come to Him) on the cross as the perfect sacrifice that gives us the right to wear it. Unlike repeated sacrifices needed in the Old Testament, God does not see our sins and our past as needing to be atoned for again and again but the righteousness of Christ. His sacrifice was a grace given out of love and freely offered. A mercy we do not have any way of saying it was earned by this act of good work or writing a check to that organization or even attending church. It is a personal choice we made to accept His taking our place and having an ongoing, continually deepening, and growing relationship with Him that makes this all possible.

He promises to carry our burdens and that includes strengthening our arms to have the shield of faith protect us from the barrage of attacks be they verbal, mental, emotional, spiritual, from others or even from ourselves.

Does this all mean that we will never sin again? No. But it does mean that we, as believers who have truly surrendered our lives over to Him, have the Holy Spirit living inside us, “interceding for us with wordless groans”(Romans 8:26) when we don’t even have the strength to formalize the right (or even perhaps even clear enough to pick out one thought alone) words.

So to reiterate, what do we put on to feel safe? Any number of things. But what do we put on and do to know we are safe? The armor of God and prayer.

We made not feel it but His eye is always upon us (Psalm 34:15). He promises to never leave us or forsake us (Joshua 1:5). Jesus is at the right hand of the Father praying on our behalf (Romans 8:34), the Holy Spirit intercedes and guides us (Psalm 32:8).

Here is the Ephesians 6 words on the armor of God but I specially chose the amplified version as they provide additional references to look up as well if you are so inclined.

Ephesians 6:12-18 AMP

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this [present] darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) places. Therefore, put on the complete armor of God, so that you will be able to [successfully] resist and stand your ground in the evil day [of danger], and having done everything [that the crisis demands], to stand firm [in your place, fully prepared, immovable, victorious]. So stand firm and hold your ground, having tightened the wide band of truth (personal integrity, moral courage) around your waist and having put on the breastplate of righteousness (an upright heart), [Is 11:5] and having strapped on your feet the gospel of peace in preparation [to face the enemy with firm-footed stability and the readiness produced by the good news]. [Is 52:7] Above all, lift up the [protective] shield of faith with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God. [Is 59:17] With all prayer and petition pray [with specific requests] at all times [on every occasion and in every season] in the Spirit, and with this in view, stay alert with all perseverance and petition [interceding in prayer] for all God’s people.”

https://bible.com/bible/1588/eph.6.12-18.AMP

Thoughts on 1 Corinthians 10: 18-21 (verse at the end).

 

What sacrifices are the pagans making that I am partaking in?

Ie who is not a true believer in my life? (Obedience and trust in God vs self reliance and not being truly repentant to the point that you’re willing to change as He guides. See Matthew 7 verses below)

 

What is being offering as a means of receiving a remedy of security, comfort, justification or sense of well being that isn’t truly from God that I am partaking in?

 

It may not be obvious. It most likely isn’t. What am I doing, how am I acting, what am I saying, what words am I using, what am I focusing the most on? What am I spending the most time on? What am I spending the most money on? What am I talking about the most?

 

I’d wager it might even have to be something discerned through the good from the best. (See Mary and Martha at Jesus’s feet). The enemy loves to masquerade as an angel of light. Ie false teachers or even well intentioned advice or books or other people… fact check very very very hard against the Word of God.

 

What is taking my eyes off Jesus? It is my rights and comfort or His will and depending on Him? What is keeping me from showing and sharing the gospel?

 

What have I intentionally grown accustomed to, justify, don’t see as that big of a deal that is actually spiritual warfare and I’m eating mental, emotional, spiritual poison?

 

1 Corinthians‬ ‭10‬:‭18‬-‭21‬ ‭ESV

“Consider the people of Israel: are not those who eat the sacrifices participants in the altar? What do I imply then? That food offered to idols is anything, or that an idol is anything? No, I imply that what pagans sacrifice they offer to demons and not to God. I do not want you to be participants with demons. You cannot drink the cup of the Lord and the cup of demons. You cannot partake of the table of the Lord and the table of demons.”

‭‭

““Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but underneath are ravenous wolves. So by their fruits you will know them.

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven. Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?’ Then I will declare to them solemnly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers.’

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭15‬, ‭20‬-‭23‬ ‭NABRE‬‬

https://bible.com/bible/463/mat.7.15-23.NABRE

 

Food for thought but ask for discernment from the Holy Spirit and decide with Him if you agree. Please feel free to share other resources as well:

“How to Distinguish A True Christian From a Hypocrite”:

https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/how-to-distinguish-a-true-christian-from-a-hypocrite.html

There is a lot of controversy over asking and it be given- I’ve been experiencing a lot of heartaches both recently and in the past about things being “unanswered”. Or if I have the right to even keep asking, or wanting to give up asking because of the prayers not being seemingly answered or that I have already been given an answer and missed it or it is a no that I keep hoping will change into a yes (like for healing for example).

However, I need to remember it is always yes, no, or wait. My feelings don’t change the fact that He promises to listen to and answer prayers.

1.     The wait may be longer but I will learn so much more if I open my hands, stop thinking the outcome is in my time (maybe He’s working on the other side too) but more importantly in surrendering to waiting I learn the gift of His presence when He says “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).  I have never felt Him more palpably than when I just sat to be brutally honest, stopped talking, thinking, analyzing and just said “speak, your servant is listening”. (1 Samuel 10:3b). In my head it normally goes more like “ok God, I’ll just stop talking now. I’m here. I’m ready. Speak Lord your servant is listening”.

2.     If the answer is no, it means He has something better in mind that I can’t even imagine. And who knows what is may very well also be protecting me from by that no?

3.     The following is an AI generated response that I’m copying as I’ve found it most helpful. Hopefully you do as well.

4.     Please feel free to free to share any thoughts on how you view this verse, the entire concept and/or even the response given via AI (as I don’t have a full Oxford library of commentaries 😊). God Bless

John 15:7 – “Abiding and Asking” Text (ESV):

“If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” — John 15:7

I. Contextual Background of John 15

John 15 is part of the Farewell Discourse (John 13–17), where Jesus prepares His disciples for His impending death, resurrection, and departure. This section is rich with Trinitarian theology, covenant imagery, and deep relational instruction.

Key themes of the chapter:

1. Union with Christ – Described metaphorically as the True Vine and His disciples as branches (vv. 1–8).
2. Fruitfulness – The natural outcome of abiding (vv. 2, 5, 8).
3. Love and Obedience – The relational foundation of abiding (vv. 9–17).
4. Persecution – The world’s response to those who abide in Christ (vv. 18–27).

John 15:7 is positioned centrally in Jesus’ metaphor about abiding in the vine and speaks directly to the power of prayer that flows from intimate union with Him.

II. Word Study & Greek Analysis

1. “Abide” – Greek: μένω (menō)

• Definition: To remain, stay, dwell, continue.
• Theological Meaning: Suggests not just physical presence, but enduring relationship, spiritual constancy, and obedience.
• Usage in John 15: Occurs 11 times in vv. 1–10. It conveys the centrality of a continual relational union with Christ, the Vine.

2. “Words” – Greek: ῥήματα (rhēmata)

• Definition: Utterances, spoken words.
• Distinction: Different from logos (the Word in a broader sense), rhēma often implies specific sayings or teachings of Jesus.
• Implication: Not just hearing, but internalizing and treasuring Jesus’ teachings.

3. “Ask” – Greek: αἰτέω (aiteō)

• Definition: To request, petition, often used in prayer contexts.
• Form: Present imperative – suggests ongoing, confident asking.

4. “Will be done” – Greek: γενήσεται (genēsetai)

• Definition: Will come into being, will happen.
• Passive voice: Indicates the action is performed by God on behalf of the one asking.

III. Hermeneutical Principles and Interpretation

A. Covenant and Conditionality

The verse is structured conditionally:

• “If” you abide in Me → conditional upon relational constancy.
• “And” My words abide in you → not mere profession, but a word-saturated life.
• “Then” ask whatever you wish → prayer becomes powerful when desires align with divine will.

This is not a blanket promise for selfish prayer fulfillment. Instead, it is rooted in covenantal faithfulness and alignment with God’s character and mission.

B. Theological Echoes and Allusions

• Psalm 1:2–3 – The blessed man delights in God’s law and bears fruit.
• Jeremiah 17:7–8 – The tree planted by water (symbol of the faithful one).
• Matthew 7:7–11 – Jesus’ teaching on asking and receiving from the Father.
• 1 John 5:14 – “If we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”

IV. Literary and Structural Context

Verses 1–8 form a cohesive unit:

• vv. 1–3: Jesus as the Vine, the Father as the Vinedresser.
• vv. 4–6: The necessity of abiding to bear fruit.
• v. 7: The power of abiding faith.
• v. 8: Glorifying the Father through fruitfulness.

Verse 7 is the hinge point between the internal relationship (abiding and obedience) and external expression (prayer and fruitfulness).

V. Theological Commentary

A. Abiding as the Center of Discipleship

Jesus’ repeated use of menō underscores that abiding is the foundation of discipleship, not a mystical state but a practical reality: staying with Jesus, submitting to His Word, and cultivating intimacy through love and obedience (cf. John 14:23–24).

B. Prayer Aligned with Divine Purpose

The promise that “whatever you wish” will be granted is not a blank check, but assumes that one’s wishes are shaped by Christ’s indwelling Word. As we abide, our desires conform to His; our prayers reflect His heart.

Thus, this verse underscores a transformative model of prayer: union leads to communion, and communion leads to empowered intercession.

C. Fruitfulness and God’s Glory

In verse 8, Jesus says:

“By this my Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be my disciples.”

This places answered prayer in a larger doxological context—our fruitfulness (which includes prayer outcomes) glorifies God and validates our discipleship.

VI. Application and Reflection

1. Examine your abiding: Is your relationship with Christ marked by constancy, intimacy, and obedience?
2. Immerse in the Word: Do Jesus’ teachings shape your values, prayers, and lifestyle?
3. Pray boldly, yet humbly: Are your prayers driven by self or shaped by Scripture and Christ’s mission?

Conclusion

John 15:7 is not a formula but a relational reality. It shows that power in prayer flows from a life rooted in Christ and His Word. The verse challenges us not only to pray more but to abide more—to become people whose wills are so intertwined with God’s that what we ask is what He desires to give.

Redwoods and their lessons

“To grant to those who mourn in Zion the following: To give them a turban instead of dust [on their heads, a sign of mourning], The oil of joy instead of mourning, The garment [expressive] of praise instead of a disheartened spirit. So they will be called the trees of righteousness [strong and magnificent, distinguished for integrity, justice, and right standing with God], The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

Isaiah 61:3 AMP

I’ve always wanted to see the redwoods in California. A forest of giant trees full of the special scents unique only to a forrest full of scattered rays of sunlight filtered through ancient leaves. I’ve been most uniquely aware of my chronic pain over the last six months when it has been physical but to be honest it’s going on 3 1/2 years of chronic pain of mental and emotional in addition to the physical since losing my grandmother and moving somewhere I knew very little about, less how to properly navigate even with GPS.

 

This area is so different than what I came from and now this not only applies physically but mentally emotionally and spiritually as well. There are so many things I could list that I need desperate prayer for but like Joseph sold in slavery or Daniel being taken into Babylon and given a different name, I am in a new space with new people, new surroundings, and new challenges.

I read not that long ago that some of the best wines were from vineyards, whose seasons were the driest that year. It makes me wonder about how much more appreciation I have for things like community, having someone make eye contact or even smile at me, solid biblical teaching, the simple things like being able to take a walk or hear the birds. To be seen and realize how much I am blessed to see if I choose to have the eyes to look for it. All of this compels me to ask myself if God is not using this contrast to heighten my sense of my awareness of His faithfulness, sovereignty, and constant presence in my life.

I do not know any of the “whys”, but I can point to instances where I have had interactions with others over this topic of pain in all its various manifestations and be thankful for their depth and sincerity. These conversations would not have happened if it were not for the circumstances I find myself in.

While praying just had God impressed upon me  the other day “you know I am closer than the spirit and the soul, than your very breath but I am also closer than the pain.” That hit the deepest and was the most profound.

I do not claim to have any right to be called a tree of righteousness. However, I would say that in my own way, I would desire to be able to look back on this and say that I came out of it with a stronger relationship with my God, to have a stronger assurance in His promises and a closer walk with Him and above all else, that this all would be used for His glory. That I have been uprooted but planted for growth and He promises oil for ashes and joy for mourning; when I don’t know…or maybe it happens little by little every day that I will be able to look back at some point and see more than I do now today.

 

 

Work has been getting more and more physical. It’s not even that I’m lifting heavier things but it’s getting busier and so I’m doubling my steps reaching above shoulder height kneeling squatting filling and working on the computer as well. None of it is bad in and of itself. But my pain has become much more pronounced because of the pace, I’m being “on” more. That is to say the more stressful or busy I or the workplace become the more animated and jovial I become to diffuse the possibility of a customer having a less than positive experience which is simply a result of years of working in retail and sales and marketing. Don’t get my wrong I love my job but this is outside it.

The problem with this is that I’m burning more calories probably more my adrenal glands and frankly so much more energy and I can even begin to replace. Prior to this week, I know I have been getting better albeit very very slowly but this week I just lost it.

 

I keep trying to keep my eyes on Jesus and pray throughout the day But the best I can manage is trying to survive and share the fruits of the spirit with my customers.

At the very least just try to be grateful for the good customers and complement as many people as possible because it does brighten the situation even just for a little which in turn does make me feel better.

 

But by Tuesday it felt like Friday, and I keep praying and putting on the armor of God before I even get out of bed and pray for strength to get through the day because I know I certainly can’t do it in my strength. Yet the physical pain is now only compounded with the additional stress and my emotions are bottoming out and that in turn generates its own. Manifestation of physical pain.

 

I keep praying if it’s God’s will to heal me but tonight I honestly couldn’t even tell you if I believed He could or that he wanted to or that there was some unconfessed sin that was blocking my ability to receive healing he may be sending or that He even listened or cared.

 

But the fact remains that his word says we are precious in his sight (Psalm 139:1-12), He bends down to listen to us pray (Psalm 116:2)  He does not waste any of our pain (Romans 8:28) He catches all of our tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8)  He will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 4:31, Deuteronomy 31:8), He’s constantly with us (Matthew 28:20) He hurts when we hurt (a Isaiah 63:9 and is grieved when we are grieved. He also knows that every day I wanna go back to something of the world that will help ease this pain and cope and for me, although there was a plethora to choose from the easiest would be vaping. So many times, in the last eight weeks when going for a walk I’ve had to stop and turn around in the other direction because of the convenience store where I used to buy them less than a quarter of a mile down the street from my house. However, Jesus it is documented, knows what it is like to be tempted to take the easier road look at what happened when he was tempted for 40 days in the desert and everything Satan said and offered to give Him. Hebrews 4:15 says: “Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are”

 

He knows that part of my breakdown. Also was that I wanna stop asking completely for healing because I don’t wanna get my hopes up and not be healed.  Like many many many nights before I just cried and surrendered. For the rest of the night, that’s all I can do.

 

A Lent devotional “Lent: The Journey of Letting Go” says “Let yourself feel the weight of your burdens—but don’t stop there. Picture placing those burdens at the foot of the cross. Linger in the stillness, thank Him for bearing them, and rest in the peace He offers through His sacrifice.”

 

This is an hourly battle, and I don’t know what else I can lay down or how to lay down grief when silence answers and the peace promised is so elusive.  Which in turn creates more grief. All I can say it if well with my soul’s final destination and I have hope and peace in that. It’s the surviving until I get to heaven that’s the hardest.

It’s bearing up under this that is like greek myth of Sisyphus rolling the massive stone up the hill each morning that took all day. Only to start again the next day from the bottom.

 

Before I even get out of bed and put the Armor of God on. Thank God it’s not my responsibility to hold each piece up in my own strength. All that is required is willingness and he will bear the rest. He will do all the heavy lifting.

This is not to say that I don’t continually go to him in prayer but when I’m exhausted by 11:00 AM and I still have hours to go in my shift, dinner to make, dishes to do and a shower to take He’s the one who’s going to get me through the next 15 minutes (and the rest of the night if He decides). It’s certainly nothing I would do in my own strength or be capable of doing. At this point I have to alternate the days I cook, and the days I shower because my pain level is so high.

 

Ultimately, I will admit there are days I’m disappointed I woke up. But if he has decided in his sovereignty to give me another day then I surrender it to Him and say “I’m going to need you to help me make it through the day, our by hour Lord”.

 

Some mornings it’s “God, I need you to help me get of bed”. But between prayer and devotionals in the morning and listening to sermons or reading solid Christian material every day he gets me through. As the phrase goes so far, he has 100% track record of getting you through. I just have to keep my eyes on his faithfulness, take a moment by moment and surrender everything.

 

 

References:

 

1.     Romans 8:26 (MSG): “The moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans”.

 

2.     Psalm 139:1-18: “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high; I cannot attain it. Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,” even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you. “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. I awake, and I am still with you.”

 

3.     Psalm 116:2: “Because he inclined his ear to me, therefore I will call on him as long as I live.”

 

4.     Romans 8:28: “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”

 

5.     Psalm 56: 8: “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book?”

 

6.     Deuteronomy 4:31(NIV): For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your ancestors, which he confirmed to them by oath.

 

7.     Deuteronomy 31:8:l (NIV): The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

 

8.     Matthew 28:20 (AMP) “…and lo, I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age.”

 

9.     Isaiah 63:9 (AMP): “In all their distress He was distressed.

 

10.  Hebrews 4:15 (CEV): “Jesus understands every weakness of ours, because he was tempted in every way that we are”.

 

11.  Romans 8:26 (MSG):  The moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans

 

12.  Psalm 34:18 (ESV): “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit”

 

Momento Mori

Memento mori. Latin for “remember (that you have) to die.” (N. D. Wikipedia)

Accountants in antiquity actually used to write this in their books. I think it’s a fitting parallel that Jesus’s words “it is finished” on the cross were actually accounting terms as well; meaning the balance is paid in full. (Christian Learning, 2024). See the link referenced  below for a full explanation. 

There’s a lyric in the song “Chandelier” by an artist called Sia that said “ I’m going to live like tomorrow doesn’t exist” and frankly I think we need to as well (granted not choosing the same response and actions described in the rest of the song).

In light of this, how’re you REALLY living? Are we honestly following these principles outlined in the versus below, or so wrapped up in our own lives that we forget the love is the greatest force in the universe; the very reason for Christ’s actions and the very litmus test of our walks? Love other in a way they can understand, if it’s just listening, showing up with a text or reaching out. Not putting the fact that relationships are at the center of what this is all about. Our relationship with God and others. We are not promised our next breath let alone tomorrow. What we choose to do today and how we choose to act is what will be separated as the wheat from the chaff.  Every single person you encounter each day is your neighbor. Every. Single. Person. Use your talents to reach others. It is the greatest act of kindness you can show them.

We only know a 10th- if that- of what anyone is going through, so love them and meet them where they are at because the chance may never come again. That is how you open a dialogue to the gospel. One of my favorite quotes regarding this is: “people don’t care what you know until they know that you care.”

Here are a few verses to back this up.

1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭7‬-‭8‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Beloved, let us [unselfishly] love and seek the best for one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves [others] is born of God and knows God [through personal experience]. The one who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love. [He is the originator of love, and it is an enduring attribute of His nature.]”

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Matthew‬ ‭6‬:‭25‬-‭26‬, ‭28‬-‭31‬, ‭33‬ ‭AMP‬‬

““Therefore I tell you, stop being worried or anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted) about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, as to what you will wear. Is life not more than food, and the body more than clothing? [Luke 12:22-31] Look at the birds of the air; they neither sow [seed]nor reap [the harvest] nor gather [the crops]into barns, and yet your heavenly Father keeps feeding them. Are you not worth much more than they? And why are you worried about clothes? See how the lilies and wildflowers of the field grow; they do not labor nor do they spin [wool to make clothing], yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory and splendor dressed himself like one of these. [1 Kin 10:4-7] But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive and green today and tomorrow is [cut and] thrown [as fuel] into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Therefore do not worry or be anxious (perpetually uneasy, distracted), saying, ‘What are we going to eat?’ or ‘What are we going to drink?’ or ‘What are we going to wear?’ But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also.”

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Matthew‬ ‭22‬:‭39‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“The second is like it, ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself [that is, unselfishly seek the best or higher good for others].’ [Lev 19:18; Matt 19:19]”

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James‬ ‭4‬:‭13‬-‭17‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“Come now [and pay attention to this], you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, and spend a year there and carry on our business and make a profit.” Yet you do not know [the least thing] about what may happen in your life tomorrow. [What is secure in your life?] You are merely a vapor [like a puff of smoke or a wisp of steam from a cooking pot] that is visible for a little while and then vanishes [into thin air]. Instead you ought to say, “If the Lord wills, we will live and we will do this or that.” But as it is, you boast [vainly] in your pretension and arrogance. All such boasting is evil. So any person who knows what is right to do but does not do it, to him it is sin.”

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Proverbs‬ ‭3‬:‭27‬-‭30‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“¶Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due [its rightful recipients], When it is in your power to do it. [Rom 13:7; Gal 6:10] Do not say to your neighbor, “Go, and come back, And tomorrow I will give it,” When you have it with you. [Lev 19:13; Deut 24:15] Do not devise evil against your neighbor, Who lives securely beside you. Do not quarrel with a man without cause, If he has done you no harm. [Rom 12:18]”

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John‬ ‭13‬:‭34‬-‭35‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“I am giving you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too are to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are My disciples, if you have love and unselfish concern for one another.””

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Psalms‬ ‭90‬:‭12‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“So teach us to number our days, That we may cultivate and bring to You a heart of wisdom.”

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1 Corinthians‬ ‭13‬:‭2‬ ‭AMP‬‬

“And if I have the gift of prophecy [and speak a new message from God to the people], and understand all mysteries, and [possess] all knowledge; and if I have all [sufficient] faith so that I can remove mountains, but do not have love [reaching out to others], I am nothing.”

‭‭References:

“Momento Mori” N. D. Wikipedia https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Memento_mori

“The Significance Behind Jesus’ last Words It is Finished” Christa. June 7, 2024. Christian Learning.  https://www.christianlearning.com/jesus-last-words-it-is-finished/

The Valleys

 

I recently had the pleasure of hearing a new theory on “The Bible Recap” with Tara Lee Cobble as we are finishing out the book of Joshua and all the land allotments. This is an amazing resource to read through the Bible a few chapters at a time but followed by her recap of what was read, answers some questions that may arise, invites discussions, provides insights (although she will result admit not not being a scholar and that she is not the ultimate authority) and most importantly provides what she terms her “God Shot” she saw in this text. As these last few chapters have been about land allotments and was quite dry. She listed in the show notes photos of how the valleys of Israel when looking at it via a topographical map actually look like the Hebrew letter “Shin”; which is used as the first letter for God’s title of Shaddai (which can be translated as “God Almighty, Lord of the Mountains, All-Sufficient One to name a few and is also found in Genesis 17:1 when God was speaking with Abraham and Psalm 91:1).

On day 86  she expounds: The Hebrew people see this letter as sacred, as God’s initial and stamp it on their Mezuzahs which they put on the doorposts of their home that contain scripture in them according to the demand in Deuteronomy 6. In Deuteronomy 12 specifically verses 5, 11 and 21 that that his chosen place of worship when they enter the Holy Land where the tabernacle will be located is a place where he will put his name. Eventually that becomes Jerusalem. In second Chronicles 6:6  we read the following on this thing yet again:

But now I have chosen Jerusalem for my Name to be there, and I have chosen David to rule my people Israel.’

 

Now she goes on to mention that could he be have speaking metaphorically only? Absolutely. But she also introduces this idea of how if you look at the valleys it looks like God stamped his initials, his monogram on Jerusalem. she also brings up the idea that some people have gone so far as to see this shin image in the way the human heart is set up.  Now take all of this with a grain of salt as neither she nor anyone on this planet can give you a definite. Yes, this was God‘s idea from the start – to say that would be suing that they knew the mind of God, which is a huge red flag and impossible.

See Isaiah 55:8-9 (ESV)

8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.

 

But this leads me to an interesting idea of how God knows I’m a visual person, and to have this, even as an option is quite intriguing, but also comforting, knowing that even this theory brought up the idea of what I termed in my head, the “valleys of Shin”. This in turn, had the domino effect of making me think of all of the studying I’ve been doing on Psalm 23 when it says the valleys of the shadow of death. Some translations just call it to the valleys of shadows. This is in the King James Version (as I learned it as a child) Psalm 23:4:

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

 

What has been most meaningful to me is that not only is it promised that he will be with us as we go through those valleys but those valleys are not places we camp out where we get stuck in the trenches or we are left or forgotten. He walks through the valleys with us. The valleys are not permanent and there is to be movement on our parts but he also promises to walk on our left on our right beside behind and before us with rod and staff in hand.

 

This is the English standard translation:

4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,[c]
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

 

Finally I believe there are a lot of things that we will not have the answers for this set of eternity. For example with unanswered prayers about relationships or pain or any number of things the valleys can get very very very deep. But I will end with this in that he promises I am not aloneDeuteronomy 31:6,  He collects my tears in a bottle Psalm 56:8 there is a reason for everything Romans 8:28 He is sovereign and perhaps more good can come of a bad situation then if everything was fine because there would be so many people and lessons I would not have had the opportunity to meet or interact with that have enriched my life.

 

Case in point like the wonderful ultrasound technician I met today and the receptionist who was so wonderful helping me when I realized I got there and in my brain fog and everything else had forgotten the actual script!

 

 

I will leave you with this:

In a sermon by P. G. Matthew of Grace Valley Christian Center, entitled “The Lord Will Go Before Us” he provides a number of very useful references that can be found on the sermon’s transcript here and below. To be fair, I know nothing of their center or of this Pastor but I’m citing the resources to give credit or credit is due.

 

So Isaiah says, “But you will not leave in haste or go in flight; for the Lord will go before you, the God of Israel will be your rear guard” (v. 12). We can therefore say, with Paul, “Thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ” (2 Corinthians 2:14). Always! In life or in death, in trials, persecutions and temptations, in plenty or in want, in sickness or in health, our God always leads us in triumph. As the psalmist declares, “The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want” (Psalm 23:1).

 

In Isaiah 42:16 the Lord promises, “I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.” This world has many rough places-problems, pressures and trials of every sort. But do not worry. God takes care of his people.

Isaiah 49:10 is another promise to us from God: “They will neither hunger nor thirst, nor will the desert heat or the sun beat upon them. He who has compassion on them will guide them and lead them beside springs of water.” This verse is speaking of our spiritual as well as our physical needs. Man is body and spirit, and God promises to take care of the totality of our being.

Finally, let us consider the promise of Isaiah 43: “But now, this is what the Lord says-he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: ‘Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.’” This is the effectual call of God. He summoned us, we came, and we were redeemed. “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze” (vv. 1-2).

We do not want to go through fire and water, but it is inevitable. God ordains trials and problems in our Christian life. But because God goes before us, we will pass through them without experiencing destruction. What is the reason for this? “For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior” (v.3). As Romans 8:28 tells us, “[W]e know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”

In John 10:27-30 Christ promises such perfect security to his sheep: “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I am the Father are one.”

No power in all creation is able to separate us from the grip of God. He purposed to redeem us and has done so in Christ. Now the One who redeemed us will also keep us from falling. No matter where the problem is-in front of us, behind us, on our right or on our left-no one can take eternal life away from us.