Heather Bush

There are many things that are idols but not what we think of in the classic definition. To borrow from a very good sermon by a good friend and pastor, “Worship belongs to God. What we don’t want to give over to him are idols.

What do we worship? Social media? Validation? Validation via social media? Looks, success, physical possessions, our own thoughts or opinions, money and the back up provision plan b, hobbies, activities. Idols are anything our lives revolve around. In our thoughts, attention, energy. It could be good on the surface but to what extent/ degree does it tilt to becoming something we think or focus on more than God? That we look to for solace in? The things that make the brokenness feel better.”

It was so easy for me to have this righteous anger all day as I contemplated our nation’s and community’s (both secular and Christian) obsession with sports in particular as its Super Bowl Sunday and the local team is playing. But then as I spoke to family in England and how dearly I missed them, how convinced I am I was born in the wrong decade and wrong country, that I have my own idols just of a different nature.

The line may not be as obvious but I fell apart and had a complete meltdown when realizing I may not be able to go visit as planned. I envy the fact that they have an extended family, that I feel cheated out of one being not only an only child but also single and having no children either. I honestly don’t know if it’s an idol or not but I’d rather be safe and say it is and be wrong to say I idolize being married and having a child.

I couldn’t sleep the other night because the pain was so bad and this searing burning sensation in my big right toe had me in both such agony and shock because it’s been my left leg that’s been getting worse. It’s been getting harder to walk or sit or stand for very long now and driving more than 5-7 minutes becomes unbearable.

I’ve had two doctors now tell me “well since you’re allergic to steroids and muscle relaxants and all we do is injections and surgery there’s nothing we can do. Good luck” and not even refill the one medication I can take. I idolize good health. I can’t remember a day without pain in the last 5 months.

I’ve been listening to a lot of different music to try a cope from choral to old gospel, new worship music, classical to the Carpenters, James Taylor and Henri Mancini theme songs. But as I lay here I’ve realized an additional number of things.

In the hymn “Nearer my God, to Thee” the opening line is Nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!

E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me,
still all my song shall be,

nearer, my God, to thee;

nearer, my God, to thee, nearer to thee!”

I can only hope when hope feels like a four letter word these days that I would feel that way instead. As it is I question if I even believe the words I’m singing in the contemporary songs sung this morning from one refrain to the next

I know feelings and thoughts are deceitful at times, such as when I finally put the right word down to how I felt about myself as being “defective” or that I question His ability to heal. I go from praising and crying in gratitude that He’s with me to in nearly three heartbeats later questioning everything. The firey darts have been raining down at such a pace it takes me sometimes even 48 hours to find the word to describe what I’m feeling. Or even realize that what I’ve been thinking are not my thoughts but lies whispered so cleverly in my own peculiar way of reasoning I don’t even see it.

A friend and I were recalling an old neighbor’s decision to just take to her bed because of a number of reasons and the most paramount of them was that she lost the will to live.

My question however is that in hymns like “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus”, “All to Jesus I Surrender” or even the song “Glory, Glory” by Odetta and many people including Corrie Ten Boom say essentially “take heart, the best is yet to come” when referring to principles in verses like Romans 8:18: “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”.

It makes me realize how much I long for this all to be over and done so that I may be with Him. Focusing too much on the eternal end result can be very detrimental when having to deal with the realities of the time between now and then.

I can say it is so dark I have lost the will to live (in these current conditions) like the woman my friend and I were speaking about and that every morning I wake up disappointed I did so. I know this will pass but right now it is a battlefield. But I put on the armor as detailed in Ephesians 6 and say to God if you want me here another day I will do my best to love like you did and follow where you lead but You need to help me get through the next hour, and the rest of the day because I can’t in my own strength. I will look for You, the moments of good and be thankful as best I can.  I know now the value of the word through in psalm 23:4 that we walk through the valley of death, we do not sit and make camp there, are forgotten and/or left there, but He guides us through. Yet still I fight to know the armor isn’t defective, I’m not required to hold in up in my own strength, but I fight to know if I’m even putting it on right- if my ability to do so is somehow compromised by something I’ve done. But I know that’s not true and He has promised to fight for me but battle weary is an understatement and the value of discernment never fully more evident.

In John Bunyan’s 2nd book of the Pilgrim’s Progress Christian’s wife, sons a woman from his home town come to the Valley of the shadow of death and Christina says “Then said CHRISTIANA to MERCY, “Now I see what my poor husband went through. I have heard much of this place, but I never was here afore now; poor man! he went here all alone in the night–he had night almost quite through the way; also these fiends were busy about him, as if they would have torn him in pieces. Many have spoken of it; but none can tell what the Valley of the Shadow of Death should mean until they come in it themselves.”

I don’t know how much more He needs to do or what walls remain to be broken down until something changes, but maybe the change has already come and this is my new normal. And I’m just now realizing the idols I have and what I’ve taken for granted. I go back to Paul writing in Philippians 1:23-24: “But I am hard-pressed between the two. I have the desire to leave [this world] and be with Christ, for that is far, far better; yet to remain in my body is more necessary and essential for your sake.”

It is the “for your sake” even that I envy. I do not currently know and even question if I ever will know for what or who’s sake this reality (well to be honest, the last four years) is going the way it is except that Romans 8:28 says there is a reason for it.

For what it’s worth, this has taught me more about how different my life now than previously, how different it is from the vast majority of those I know, and how differently I see and cling to Jesus. I am not going to go so far as to say I’ll be boasting in my weakness anytime soon, but I will say if this post has helped anyone else feel like they’re not alone in any of the thoughts or emotions expressed then it was worth it. And that’s God’s doing, not mine.

Woke up from a nightmare of being in a long term recovery hospital where there were some who I haven’t thought of in years were being released after a full healing and she said “I finally get to see my girl”. “Oh?” I said, “I didn’t know you have kids”. “Just my one little girl, I haven’t been able to see her much but I hopefully will now”. I just smiled, too emotional to speak.

A little observant boy was looking at me intently and as children are sometimes more insightful than we give them credit for and a bit more direct than we’d like, asked me “you want kids too don’t you?” “Yes, I would like to have a girl too but it hasn’t worked out that way.”

Then it switched and my bed was outside and it was summer and warm, I was on a rooftop with an inner room as well. But this time I was all alone and just like the question, the emptiness felt just as painful.

I woke up asking why I would be reminded of this. And after an hour of going back and forth trying to get comfortable because of the pain – which I honestly think was affected by the dream too- and get “comfortable” again with God I realized it’s my turn to be up at 3 am unable to sleep.

I thought back to yesterday where I got a beautiful card from my best friend and how much it blessed me, as her friendship does flat out. Then I remembered the “Flowers” song by Samantha Ebert I “just so happened” to hear for the first time as the radio station KLOVE was introducing it. After getting nerve testing done (I was not expecting the actual electrical shocks to test the nerves themselves) I thought I can’t drive but at least I can try and walk the block. It was nearly 50° and sunny and still relatively early in the evening.

I walked ¾ of a mile and although that’s nothing compared to 6-7 I’d do at a clip last summer, it’s more than I’ve done in months. But more importantly, it was taking my mom’s advice to not listen to lies. The lies of self assessment and fear that I won’t be able to walk despite the truth that it is getting harder. But I also, I’m in no position to play fortune teller and say this is what’s going to happen. Only God knows knows what’s going to happen because He’s already had a plan for this. There’s a reason it’s happening (do I know all or even one or two? No. But again, I’m not God and can’t see the long game). He’s walking with me everyday just as real as He was for the half hour yesterday, and is with me now as I write this.

To be brutally honest, facing prison or stoning or a firing squad for keeping my faith sometimes seems easier than the intangible battles fought in my mind, the whispered lies from my being “defective”, “unlovable” “forgettable” or just plain  “not worth the effort” because if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be writing this with only my cat for company. It’s the intangible mental battles that bring the most emotional turmoil spiritually and having to discern the bars I’ve erected myself versus facing man made ones is harder to see. Things like habits, attitudes, perspectives (like black and white thinking or any others on a common list of cognitive distortions) are just a few examples.

But then I realized yes, I’ve been up for going on two hours now but I have indoor plumbing on the same floor no less, a warm bed to get back into, a cat who reminds me of what unconditional love can look like, internet, electricity, cell service and a phone if there was an emergency, new worship music, the ability to walk and still drive, a church, family, friends and most importantly above and beyond all this a God who is with me and is completely sovereign over this entire thing. He has been since it began, He’s been faithful in so many ways in my life before and promises to always be so.

So yes I have a lot going on and a lot I could see as negative or I can do my best to stay focused on not only the good I can see now but the good He promises to come from all this in Romans 8:28. I used to have mixed feelings about that before, but now I cling to it. I may not know the whys or hows, but He does; as seen in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

And the Amplified Bible translation for Romans 8:28 has been the most helpful recently:

“And we know [with great confidence] that God [who is deeply concerned about us] causes all things to work together [as a plan] for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to His plan and purpose.”

Matthew 28:20b

“I am with you always [remaining with you perpetually—regardless of circumstance, and on every occasion], even to the end of the age.”

As He told Israel, “I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you and continued My faithfulness to you.” (Jeremiah 31:3), He says now in John 3:16-17 ““For God so [greatly] loved and dearly prized the world, that He [even] gave His [One and] only begotten Son, so that whoever believes and trusts in Him [as Savior] shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge and condemn the world [that is, to initiate the final judgment of the world], but that the world might be saved through Him.”

So if I’ve lost sleep and have to get up in two hours, what is that compared to all I do have? If I can sleep, wonderful but if not I have The Truths above, inside me, and finally Matthew 6:26:

“Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?”

Just a few phrases and facts to preface this with (if this were a scientific or psychological or professional peer reviewed article consider this the abstract):

“People don’t care what you know until they know you care”

“To fix a problem you need to acknowledge there is one to begin with”

“We cannot change another person’s behavior or beliefs or the like. That is ultimately up to them – and for good reason, they’re not going to be coming to you at 3 am. They’re going to go to their behaviors and higher power not you. All you can do is offer what has worked for you, plant the seed and love them as they make their decision(s) and continue to love them even if when they make said decision it’s not the one you were hoping for”.

“People only hear what they want to and are capable of hearing.”

“If they say they care then they will make the time to communicate with you. It doesn’t have to be a 3 hour conversation every night, but if they care they will make the time.”

“Truth is subjective until it isn’t anymore. Our eyes actually transmit what we see to our brains through the visual cortex and it gets flipped on the horizontal axis so our brains process reality upside down, or reality is really reversed than how we perceive it” (upside down kingdom)

“The simple things in life are the most beautiful, precious, often fleeting and hardest to follow” (keep it simple, stupid)

“Yesterday’s gone, tomorrow – even the next heartbeat- is not promised, all we have is today”

“Contrary to popular belief, people can change. To say that’s just how they are, they’ll never change, excuses them of responsibility and robs them the opportunity of growing through a new behavior (be it mental, verbal, emotional, spiritual), lifestyle or mindset. But they will only change if they want to”

“Hurt people hurt people”

That’s enough to chew on for a while for sure but there are some things that I think deserve additional attention to flesh out the full implications and not have it taken out of context.

One of my favorite movies growing up was the Princess Bride and one of the best lines is “Life is suffering highness. Whoever tells you anything else is selling you something”. Even Jesus, whether you believe in Him or not, said in John 16:33 that “in this world you will have trouble. But take heart, I have overcome the world”

We are all broken people- none of us are perfect, have a perfect life despite our social media highlight reels and are living in a broken world whose very existence is treated with every passing year with worse and worse chemicals being injected or into our farms and food supplies, is has been a long standing fact that it’s nearly impossible to eat healthy if you’re forced to watch your food budget.

Many are forced to choose between food and paying for rent, utilities, transportation and other basic necessities. At the time of this Feeding America report in 2018, one in nine adults and one in seven children lived in households without consistent access to adequate food. When analyzed in 2018, across the 37 million those individuals estimated to be food insecure, however, the national shortfall stands at nearly 19.5 billion. Through the lens of local meal costs, it is possible to see how difficult it is to afford enough food to live active healthy lives.

Not only that but making necessary dietary changes to account for health reasons such as gluten intolerance or other allergies for example can add quite easily an additional $200 a month to an individual’s food budget. This is to say nothing of the stress of having to constantly have on hand food that you are able to eat, be able to find a local restaurant that offers food you are able to eat and deal with at the very cheapest $3 for exchanging white wheat or rye toast for Cauliflower bread.

But this is representative of our societal and individual starvation and cost we are expected to pay to even get proper “nutrition”. We are the most connected, fastest growing generation concerning technological advancement, progress and availability of information (what once ranged about 80 years now only takes about 2.5), yet we more isolated, lonely, overlooked and neglected who not only lack connection, but even the language, capacity or ability to build those lacking skills for want of available resources such as free or low cost events to gather with others in real life versus via some sort of screen.

“US Trends in Social Isolation, Social Engagement, and Companionship”

presented us with the following sad but true supporting research findings in 2022:

Social connectedness is essential for health and longevity, while isolation exacts a heavy toll on individuals and society. We present U.S. social connectedness magnitudes and trends as target phenomena to inform calls for policy-based approaches to promote social health. Using the 2003–2020 American Time Use Survey, this study finds that, nationally, social isolation increased, social engagement with family, friends, and ‘others’ (roommates, neighbors, acquaintances, coworkers, clients, etc.) decreased, and companionship (shared leisure and recreation) decreased.

Humans are one of the most social of all animals and seek frequent, on-going social engagement . Social isolation (i.e., social deficits indicated by infrequent or insufficient engagement with others) is linked to decrements in health and longevity. Isolated individuals are at elevated risk for cardiovascular disease, dementia, infectious disease, low functional status, anxious or depressed mood, biological markers of poor health (e.g., C-reactive protein, fibrinogen levels), and mortality including overdose and suicide. Isolation is comparable to or rivals other well-known mortality risk factors like air pollution, smoking, and inactivity. (Kannan VD, Veazie PJ.)

We have to actively fight this epidemic and engage with others even if it means going out of your comfort zone- in fact it would be better for all parties involved if this were the case- to facilitate human contact, listen to and possibly learn from each other, express (or learn) empathy, compassion and a different perspective. If all we ever do is stay within our comfort zone of already established societal bubbles, what would keep us from intellectual, emotional and mental stagnation at best or atrophy if brutally honest?

We only know less than 1/10th of what any individual is going through and even your closest friends and family members if you are lucky enough to have them often still hold back.

We all have gone through periods of hurting, have recently come out of it, are in it, or are about to go into it. We need to recognize that if we do something as small as make eye contact or even smile at a stranger that could potentially be lifesaving. Adding a compliment not based on their appearance (such as their smile or thanking them for service if at a check out counter, or especially if they are wearing any type of uniform or veteran’s hat etc) can increase this impact ten-fold. Doing so actually helps us ease our own hurt and potentially theirs however briefly. However, let us not discount this powerful action based on the length of the interaction.

Unfortunately it may be easier to do this for strangers because of the brevity mentioned. When it comes to friends and family if we say we care we actually need to back that up and show up instead of just one or two sentences on the inside of a holiday card. They need us just as much as we need them and if regular contact is not maintained – however short and through whatever platform or method(s) are most comfortable- then we need to evaluate the situation. Time is something that flies by too fast and we are never promised and even sending a simple text asking how their day is going or sharing something that made you laugh can do wonders. It’s the simple intangibles that often go farther than we will ever realize.

We need to be willing to change and reject the lie that people will never change. Yes it might take a near death experience- hopefully not- but people can and do change when they want to. And change for the better.

But none of this will take place if we don’t at least acknowledge that the current situation is what it is and that there are crises, wounds, secret “hanging on only by a thread” individuals in our lives that we most likely do not even realize because society and our experiences have taught us to hide it so well.

It’s getting better than it was a number of years ago, but there is still a lot of work to be done.

Be kind to someone. It takes so little. Or if that’s too challenging at this moment, try to refrain from verbalizing one negative comment at least once this week.

I tend to forget or more downplay the specifics of God’s faithfulness and that He’s always wanting to hear from me.

But even though I’m trying to keep a journal I do think that God wants to show us how He goes with us (as believers God is IN us, closer than our breath) and is faithful everyday.

As the prayer He taught asks us to ask for / “give us this day our daily bread” and Jesus is the bread of life, wouldn’t it make sense that He knew we’d struggle with this (granted some more than others)?  Perhaps more importantly that we be asking for Him to reveal Himself and His attributes again each day not only because we may tend to forget it but because Jesus knew we’d need it to get through the day?

(I think the more we ask, the more we learn new answers and the closer we become; ie it’s not transactional to ask for daily bread, but a first question in a dialogue that is the basis for a true, authentic relationship NOT religion or a transactional relationship / quid pro quo).

I know volumes could/have been written about that prayer but as my Godfather said once, we could spend a life studying it and never get out all that there is to get out of it

By going back to His faithfulness it helps me with gratitude; something I have a lot of but either don’t vocalize it well enough or focus on it enough.

It’s strange because there are so many things I am grateful for but for as many things there are, there are as many instances of my forgetfulness to keep it in the forefront of my mind.

Now this is not to say I’m negating anything, ignoring the problems and pretending everything is coming up roses. There are a majority of days where I can only list one or two things at that point in time.

And in my book that’s a win- to even think of one in the darkness; for His sacrifice which allows me to have a restored relationship with God. To have Christ’s sacrifice take on the necessary atonement in my place. He died so I could live.

There’s a reason the temple curtain separating the Holy of Holies was torn from top to bottom when He died – no man could ever restore the ability to have a relationship with God because we are not perfect or holy and so Christ’s perfect, sinless life met the demands of the sacrifice to enter into the holy of holies and speak with God. Christ’s willingness to do so is the ultimate display of love and now when God looks at me, He doesn’t see me in my mistakes and failures and inability to enter on my own merit. He sees Christ. He’s made a way for me to come to Him anytime day or night, in any way shape or form and talk to Him. And He did this because He loves me and wants a relationship with me.

For that will always be my ultimate gratitude. I’m just working on keeping my eyes on that and watching how many other examples stem from that and grow upwards and outwards in all directions.

Here are commentaries regarding the above that can explain it better than I:

1. The Veil being torn from top to bottom:

The most prominent use of the veil in the Bible is found in the context of the tabernacle and later the temple. The veil served as a physical barrier separating the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place, or the Holy of Holies, where the Ark of the Covenant was kept. This veil symbolized the separation between God and humanity due to sin. In Exodus 26:33, God instructs Moses, “Hang the veil under the clasps, and there you are to bring the ark of the Testimony, behind the veil. The veil will separate the Holy Place from the Most Holy Place.”

The veil’s significance is further highlighted in the New Testament during the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. At the moment of His death, the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom, as recorded in Matthew 27:51: “At that moment the veil of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth quaked and the rocks were split.” This event symbolizes the removal of the barrier between God and humanity, granting believers direct access to God through the atoning work of Christ.

1. God seeing Christ’s Righteousness instead of my past and my sin after believing in Christ as my (and the only) savior:

The phrase underscores the necessity of faith in the believer’s life. The Greek word for “believe” (πιστεύω, pisteuō) implies trust and reliance, not mere intellectual assent. This belief is specifically “in Him,” referring to God, who raised Jesus from the dead. The historical context of this statement is crucial, as the early Christians were defining their faith in contrast to both Jewish and pagan beliefs. This belief is not generic but is centered on the specific act of God raising Jesus, which is the cornerstone of Christian faith.

Old Testament, righteousness is often associated with adherence to the Law given to Israel. Deuteronomy 6:25 states, “And if we are careful to observe every one of these commandments before the LORD our God, as He has commanded us, then that will be our righteousness.” However, the prophets also emphasized that true righteousness involves justice, mercy, and humility before God, as seen in Micah 6:8 : “He has shown you, O man, what is good. And what does the LORD require of you but to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?”

In the New Testament, righteousness is closely linked to faith in Jesus Christ. Romans 3:22declares, “And this righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.” This righteousness is not based on human effort but is imputed to believers through faith in Christ’s redemptive work on the cross. The Apostle Paul further explains in Philippians 3:9 , “And be found in Him, not having my own righteousness from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness from God on the basis of faith.”

The relationship between faith and righteousness is integral to the doctrine of justification. Justification is the act of God declaring a sinner righteous on the basis of faith in Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1 affirms, “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.” This peace with God is a result of being clothed in the righteousness of Christ, which is received by faith.

In summary, faith and righteousness are deeply interconnected in the biblical narrative. Faith is the means by which believers receive the righteousness of God, and righteousness is the evidence of a life transformed by faith. Together, they form the foundation of the believer’s relationship with God and the assurance of eternal life.

References:

Topical Resources “Faith and Righteousness”. The Bible Hub. 2024. https://biblehub.com/topical/f/faith_and_righteousness.htm

Topical Resources, “Veil”. The Bible Hub. 2024 https://biblehub.com/topical/v/veil.htm

Out of the many places to hear God, I think wastelands for me are easier (not pleasant but I’ll explain). It’s harder to remember what was said so clearly without any distractions when we’re back in society and there’s so much re-entry and noise and then getting back to life as usual which is full of noise and people- how different from just sheep a burning bush and the stars.

On my missions trips as a teen they always said these are mountaintop moments but don’t forget what you’ve learned here when you go back down into the valley.  Another thing I thought interesting reading this passage again was that God called to Moses twice. He didn’t have to, but they always say if it’s repeated (like Jesus saying truly, truly I tell you,,) pay attention.

It makes me think God called to Moses twice is already signifying who He was. His deity by calling Moses by name, and also not a generic greeting. Plus there’s the option that calling Moses twice was once for his “heart’s ears” and the second his “mind’s ears” if I could explain it in such a way.

And I wonder if Moses had changed his name there because  he fled there after murdering the other Hebrew so was this God calling him out by his true name twice?

So to recap, do we remember what’s told us in the wilderness, when God calls us twice by our names…..does this not boil down to both Emmanuel & His faithfulness? I tend to forget or just downplay both. Despite how many times He calls me, reminds me. But thankfully He understands how human I am, and He actively calls me again and again every morning, all throughout the day and night just to show me how He is working on my behalf. How He calls me because He wants to actively have a relationship with me.

How many times do I talk to my mom or friends throughout the day? Maybe it’s not everyday, other days it’s multiple times a day. But each time it’s because I want to share with them, check in on how they are or because I need to talk. God wants to do that with me all day every day. But He also needs me to stop and process and listen to Him; to give Him room to breathe and speak into me. Through my heart’s ears and my mind’s ears too.

I tend to forget or more downplay the specifics of God’s faithfulness and that He’s always with me.

But even though I’m trying to keep a journal I do think that God wants to show us how He goes with us and is faithful everyday….just as much as it says “give us this day our daily bread” and Jesus is the bread of life. So wouldn’t we be asking for Him to reveal himself and his attributes again each day not only because we may tend to forget it but because Jesus knew we’d need it to get through the day?

And on that it seems like that’s to be said in the morning but it says forgive us our debts as we forgive…but it says not to go to bed angry or still holding a grudge. So maybe that’s there if we weren’t able to, if that internal strife and anger is still there despite, maybe we need to keep chipping away at it again in the morning and/or say it in advance? I know volumes could/have been written about that prayer but as my Godfather said once, we could spend a life studying that one prayer and never get out all that there is to get out of it

Maybe that’s why sometimes I need the wilderness of least distractions or it takes having moments that draw me away from the crowds to rise early in the morning and go up to the mountain and speak with my Father as Jesus did.

Hagar, a non-Israelite, a woman with no power or status, is the first person in Scripture to be visited by an angel and the only person in Scripture to give God a name—El Roi, “the God who sees me.” In the midst of her pain and struggle, Hagar receives God’s blessing and promises. Think about how powerful is it to be really, truly seen.

“He didn’t criticize or lecture her. Rather, our all-knowing God honored her by seeking to understand.”  He asked her questions and didn’t make assumptions prior to even asking them or hearing the answer. Even after hearing her answer He didn’t say anything about her emotions or tough it out, toughen up or that’s just how life is. Yes He said go back, but He talked to her about her son first, He started it all asking about what she was doing – not accusing but seeking to understand and actually waiting and listening for the response.

God actively was listening (without a response already formed halfway through her talking) hearing the pain and hopelessness. He comforts her by addressing all the factors, her pregnancy and her treatment by Sari. So many people act like the former that it’s no wonder it’s so powerful when you feel seen not just visually / emotionally/ mentally assessed. When you’re then talked to in a way that suits the viewer and their perspectives on your situation, how you’re dealing with it and the fact that they at best only know 10-20% just adds insult to injury.

It’s no wonder we have walls.

One of the definitions of breach is to make a gap, to break through a wall (of) defense. I think we all have walls still that although might be different we could still all relate to being hesitant to lowering our defenses.

But we can’t bring them down in our strength. That’s only done in conjunction with Him.

Beneath is a link that will go more into depth about the verses that rhis is all based on.

For further consideration see:

Hagar: The Woman Who Named God

Genesis 16:1-13 ESV

“Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. She had a female Egyptian servant whose name was Hagar. And Sarai said to Abram, “Behold now, the Lord has prevented me from bearing children. Go in to my servant; it may be that I shall obtain children by her.” And Abram listened to the voice of Sarai. So, after Abram had lived ten years in the land of Canaan, Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian, her servant, and gave her to Abram her husband as a wife. And he went in to Hagar, and she conceived. And when she saw that she had conceived, she looked with contempt on her mistress. And Sarai said to Abram, “May the wrong done to me be on you! I gave my servant to your embrace, and when she saw that she had conceived, she looked on me with contempt. May the Lord judge between you and me!” But Abram said to Sarai, “Behold, your servant is in your power; do to her as you please.” Then Sarai dealt harshly with her, and she fled from her. The angel of the Lord found her by a spring of water in the wilderness, the spring on the way to Shur. And he said, “Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from and where are you going?” She said, “I am fleeing from my mistress Sarai.” The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress and submit to her.” The angel of the Lord also said to her, “I will surely multiply your offspring so that they cannot be numbered for multitude.” And the angel of the Lord said to her, “Behold, you are pregnant and shall bear a son. You shall call his name Ishmael, because the Lord has listened to your affliction. He shall be a wild donkey of a man, his hand against everyone and everyone’s hand against him, and he shall dwell over against all his kinsmen.” So she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.””

These were the roses that so fearlessly climbed the ancient walls of cathedrals and universities who have been around for longer than our nation has been in existence let alone “discovered”.

These were the roses that Shakespeare looked upon and used their beauty to show how families, status, traditions and long held hatreds could not stop love.  “A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet” (Romeo and Juliet Act II, Scene II).

These were the roses that also held thorns that became woven into a crown for One whose sacrifice was more painful than imaginable but more beautiful, glorious and precious than the roses.

These were the roses that I in part laid on your casket and still have one bud dried and next to your picture.

These were the roses that carry so much history, so much grief, so much love.

These are the roses I’ve held in reserve for my own hopes and dreams and lay them at Your feet saying as best I can “not my will but Yours be done”.

I know You see me, You are with me, You care and You have a plan.